Me-time is the best time to recharge, reflect and focus on yourself. Here is how to be alone and happy and not feel lonely.
Being alone doesn’t equal loneliness. But is it possible to be alone and happy?
As an introvert, I thought I handled loneliness pretty well. It has never devoured me. And sometimes I preferred being alone to in a crowd.
However, 2020 change my definition of being alone. Before that, I could stay by myself for 3 hours and go to dinner with my friends. We would talk and laugh, wrapping up my day in joy.
But since the pandemic, my me-time has turned into me-days. And that’s when the emptiness hit. The silence in the house soon became unbearable. And I was desperate to hug someone when I couldn’t.
I realized I had to relearn spending time alone. I had to find ways to make my alone-time fulfilling and to fall in love with my own company.
If that sounds like you, here are my thoughts on learning how to be alone and happy. If you are fighting loneliness, these strategies may come in handy for you. But first, let’s dig a little deeper into why you fear being alone.
Why do we fear being alone?
Imagine what you can do if you are no longer terrified of being alone. You won’t settle for a toxic relationship. You don’t waste your time being with the wrong crowd.
To have spiritual freedom, you need to know your chains. And here are some of the common reasons why you hate or even fear being alone.
We base our worth on our relationships
Our culture sees people with many friends and connections as “successful.” And if we see someone always spending Friday nights by himself, our first reaction may be, “does he have any friends?” “There must be something wrong with him.”
But the norm shouldn’t be applied to everyone. Nor should you do this to yourself.
Our worth is based on many things: our knowledge, qualities, personalities, education, and so on. Just because you have a small circle doesn’t make you any less worthy. People will love you for who you are, not for the relationships you have.
We haven’t found our life purpose
A life purpose will not solve all problems. Neither will it eliminate the fear of loneliness once and for all. But it helps a lot. It fills the seemingly terrifying void.
On the contrary, we are more likely to seek comfort or validation from others when our job doesn’t provide enough satisfaction.
Lack of emotional support from childhood
According to studies, those with an anxious attachment style are more likely to feel lonely. They fear rejection. And they tend to see themselves more negatively than others.
The cause of anxious attachment style may vary from person to person. But in many cases, it’s the parents who fail to provide their children with consistent emotional support.
We are with the wrong people
Have you ever felt lonely even when you are with a lot of people? The presence of others doesn’t provide the emotional support you need. And that makes you feel isolated.
If it rings true for you, you may want to take a look at your social circle. Are they supportive? Can you open up with them? Or worse, do they make you feel unworthy? The wrong crowd can do more damage than good.
How to be alone and happy
If you ask others how to feel less lonely, most will tell you to find something to do or find someone to talk to. In general, they deal with loneliness by adding.
But to be alone and happy, adding is not enough. We have to do the opposite as well. That means to remove the reliance and self-sabotaging mindset.
So what to add and what to quit? Here are the ways that will help you to enjoy being alone.
Stop forcing yourself to be happy all the time
You are used to being surrounded by people. And now you are all alone. You feel bad about yourself, and that’s ok.
Even when you are with your friends and family, you are not always happy. So why should you force yourself to be so when you are alone?
Instead, allow yourself to have a downtime. The more you try to run away from loneliness, the more it controls you.
Learn to live with fewer stimulants
Have you ever tried to live one day without checking your email or social media? The habit of constantly looking for connection in the digital world feeds our reliance on others.
We forget that before we are someone’s follower or coworker, we are us. We belong to ourselves, not to the device the buzzes around.
If you can unplug for a day and focus on yourself, there will be less noise in your world. And when you are used to the serenity, being alone will not be terrifying anymore.
Stop comparing
One surefire way to feel lonely is to compare your relationship status with other people. It can be your friends, your coworkers, and just some random stranger on the Internet.
There are hundreds of people posting their BFF selfies or party night shots on social media every minute. And with them flooded in your feed, it’s common to feel left out. And they lure us to assume they are happy and we are not.
That’s not always true. Just because you are at a party doesn’t make you happy. We all have struggles we don’t tell. And it doesn’t make sense to compare your reality to what others choose to show.
Find your purpose
Take a look back at the last time when you were driven to get something done. Did you feel lonely?
Sometimes we mistake boredom for loneliness. When we lack purpose and passion, we rely on someone else to make us feel something.
If you are alone and unhappy, try to ask yourself: how do I want others to remember me when I die? Is there something I desperately want to achieve?
Write down your answers on a sticky note and put it on your vision board. Then, next time when you are alone, remind yourself of your calling and take time to answer it.
Go out to nature
Mother Nature has huge healing powers. A day in nature not only relaxes your mind but will make you feel happy even when you are alone.
You are not alone when you are in nature. Feel the embrace of the trees and hear the birds singing. Winds blow gently through your hair and fingertips.
What a blessing to be able to breathe fresh air. They are all gifts from nature and your best companies.
Develop your passion
If you are not used to being alone, and you don’t know what to do in your me-time, it’s always helpful to find something fun and fulling to do.
You can take up a new hobby. Who knows, it may become a passion or even a new skill. Or you can find something fun to do alone at home and see what works for you.
The point is, me-time is an excellent opportunity to recharge and reflect. We can learn a lot about ourselves when we are alone. So keep that in mind, and you can be alone and happy.
What do you do when you are alone?
Leave your thoughts in the comment or tag @_OurMindfulLife on Instagram to share.