The lessons my father’s death has taught me about grieving, life, and moving on
My dad passed away from a heart attack at the beginning of 2021. Just as I thought things would get better now that 2020 is over, life has proven otherwise.
For days I was bouncing between numb and sensitive. And putting my feelings in words is more challenging than I expected. But the loss has taught me something I couldn’t learn from anywhere else.
If you are have lost a loved one, I hope these lessons I learned from losing my father will make your feel less alone.
Read also: 5 Life lessons I learned in 2020
Life lessons I learned from the death of my father
Everyone grieves differently
At my father’s memorial service, I was probably the only one who didn’t shed a tear. Everyone else was crying. But I was numb. As I gazed at the floor, the rest of the world seemed to blur out.
I was numb. For days I didn’t know how I should feel. It was like my father took part of my feelings away with him. There was a hole in my heart, and I was not sure how to fill it up.
A couple days later, my best friend called to check up on me. As she asked, “are you okay?” all the buried feelings surfaced in an instant. Her question reminded me that I was going through a tough time. And it’s okay to be emotional. I cried over the phone for I don’t know how long. I was heartbroken but, at the same time, relieved.
Grieving is a personal process. We all react to pain and losses differently. Some may be shocked, and some are numb like me. For others, they may feel angry or despair.
There is no correct answer as to how you should feel when you lost someone. Healing is not a competition. No one is timing your process. Instead, allow yourself to heal in your own way, at your own pace. Every little progress is a reason to be proud of yourself.
Others can help you, but they can’t cure you.
My friends and family helped me a lot when I lost my father. They kept me company to make me feel less lonely. I was grateful for the love and care. But deep down, I understand that they are not what I needed the most.
I have two options: dwelling in anger, denial, and tears and dragging my loved ones down with me. Or I can make up my mind, face my emotions, and put an end to the sufferings. Dwelling is convenient. Moving forward is hard. But I am glad that I went with the latter.
The lesson here? As many times as you heard “you are going to be fine,” if you don’t believe it, you are not going to be fine. Happiness is a choice, and so is healing. Sometimes you are one decision away from moving forward. Don’t be the one who stops you from getting better.
It’s never going to be the same, and that’s okay.
What I learned from the death of my father is that the scar is permanent. You may heal, but it’s not going to be the same.
When my father passed away, my life changed. We used to talk about fishing and camping on the balcony. We laughed at whatever absurd on the news. And god knows why he insisted on cooking even though he was a terrible chef.
But everything is different now. No matter how hard I try, these moments will not come back. My dad will not come back. The house was suddenly too big and too quiet. And I was left with all the time that I don’t know what to do with.
This is the new normal for me, just like what 2020 had been for many. There is no point in trying to restore the past, as it’s impossible. We honor what we had, and we move on with what we have. And that’s what matters.
Read also: 13 things that we should stop taking for granted
I am all ears.
These are the lessons I learned from losing my dad.
If you are going through the process and need to vent, feel free to share your feelings with me. You can leave a comment down below or tag me @_ourmindfullife on Instagram. I am not alone, and neither are you. Keep holding on – you are stronger than you think you are.