How to tell if your friends are good for you? Here are the often ignored signs of real friends.
Trust, loyalty, and mutual respect are the foundation of any relationship. But for a friendship to last, you need something more.
You may find that you click with someone instantly. Maybe it’s the humor or wit that attracts you. Or perhaps you get closer with some people because of the kindness they show in everyday life.
Despite the obvious reasons, what makes a good friend? What qualities of a friend that makes the friendship last? Here are some not-so-obvious signs of real friends.
Signs of real friends – how to tell if they are good for you
They celebrate your wins.
What separates real friends from fake ones is that they are genuinely happy for your achievements. Sometimes those who understand your pain and walk through the dark times with you don’t necessarily share your joy.
They may want you to do well, but not better than them. Whether it’s work, school, or life in general, they make everything a competition. And their ego can get the best of them when your rise starts to threaten them.
Real friends, on the contrary, are happy when you are happy. They don’t feel insecure or jealous when you surpass them in a specific field. For them, friendship is a ride together rather than a race against each other. And that’s what makes real friends rare.
Good friends tell you the truth.
Sometimes we sugarcoat the facts because not everyone handles them perfectly. We certainly don’t want to hurt their feelings and potentially sabotage the friendship. But in real life, cheerleaders are not all we need.
Real friends find a way to be honest without being mean. First, instead of making a comment straightaway, they ask if you need one.
And real friends are not judgmental when they tell you what’s on their minds. If they see you stuck in a toxic relationship, they don’t call you weak. Instead, they will say, “I am worried about you. Have you considered if the relationship is working for you?”
It also depends on how the other one handles the truth. If you are mentally strong and open-minded, your friends may be more straightforward. But what they don’t do is judging and criticizing you for the sake of it. Real friends tell the truth to help you grow, not to bring you down.
Time doesn’t break you apart.
Good friends are those who you may not see very often. But when you do, it feels like you are never apart.
Life changes, and you grow, but the friendship stays the same. You still share your inside jokes. You introduce new music to each other just like yesterday. Time and space don’t do you apart.
A give-and-take balance
“Givers need to set boundaries because takers rarely do.” This is a quote about personal boundaries from Henry Ford. It does not only refer to intimate relationships but friendship as well.
If your “friends” are only there when they need something from you, or if it’s you that initiate most contacts, they might be your fake friends. When one part gives too much, it leads to resentment.
Real friends, on the contrary, know how to keep the delicate balance. They may need your help, but they are there when you need them as well. Friendship is like a symphony. The sound will never be right if only one is playing.
Real friends accept you for who you are.
When we are with our friends, we feel comfortable being our imperfect selves. There is no need to pretend because we know that we are safe from judgments.
There’s a funny friendship quote that goes, “best friends don’t judge each other. They judge others together.” Hilarious, but it also has a point.
When we call someone our good friends, we don’t feel the need to impress them. They are like a harbor that we can rest and finally be free. And that’s why when you are with your good friends, you feel refreshed, not exhausted.
Real friends don’t avoid problems or conflicts.
One misconception is that friends don’t fight with each other. But just like any relationship, there will be differences and conflicts. Instead of holding grudges, real friends talk about their problems and solve them.
For example, your friend cannot make it to a hangout that you look forward to. It gets you out of the blue, and your feelings are hurt. Instead of holding the grudge and not speak to her, you tell her about your feelings. If she takes the friendship seriously, she will give your an explanation about why she can’t make it. And also, an apology.
But if she accuses you of being dramatic or even gaslighting you for remembering the date wrong, then this “friend” may not be good for you.
In short, we don’t solve what we avoid. Knowing how to fight fair and make it up after that is a must-learned lesson of friendship.
Good friends respect your boundaries.
We all have our boundaries.
For you, a boundary can be being on time for your plans together. And as for your friend, he or she might not want you to visit without any notice.
Good friends know about each other’s boundaries, and they do their best not to cross the line. Because of mutual respect, you don’t lose yourself in a real friendship.
Good friends don’t ask you to burn yourself
Real friends support each other. But it doesn’t mean one should sacrifice himself and his mental health trying to help another.
It’s ok for your friends to talk about the job that bores them or the coworker that annoys them. But if it’s all your conversations are about, it could be a problem.
By throwing all the negativity on you, your “friends” are making you their emotional dumpster. And it may take a toll on your mental health. You don’t feel energized with them. Instead, you feel drained.
Real friends, on the contrary, know how to be vulnerable without being an energy vampire. They don’t make it all about themselves. And they share both the good and the bad.
You may say that they vibe with you. In fact, it’s the harmony in your energies that makes your friendship thrive. And it’s one of the overlooked signs of real friends.
Do these signs of real friends remind you of anyone?
Share your friendship story in the comment!